Make It Monday – Frustration

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I’ve been really frustrated the last few days. What has me frustrated? Just about everything.

Music

Yesterday, I tried to play a song on guitar along with the music. It was a song we learned when I took guitar lessons. I couldn’t do it as I didn’t have the right strum pattern for it and it’s actually in 3/4 time with the downward strum on the first and third beats, but then the sheets I have often show a chord change on a second beat when there isn’t supposed to be strumming! I’m thinking something is messed up there somewhere. So I tried another. That one, our music didn’t have the lead in stuff before the chords come in, so I had no idea when I was supposed to play what. I ended up having to go to a super rudimentary song that has two chords and only down strums on each beat in a 4/4 song. At least I was playing along with a song at the speed it’s supposed to be played at, but I felt so far from anything that I want to be playing. I want to make an album someday, so I have a lot of work ahead of me.

Writing

I have so many things I want to write and not enough time to write it in. I want to get my novel done. I want to write songs. I have so many ideas for stories in a variety of mediums that I want to get out into the world. I’m now understanding the meaning of the quote, “The road to hell is paved with works-in-progress.” -Philip Roth

I think I’ll feel better once I get just about anything done, but most of our projects are in bits and pieces and won’t be finished until the end of the school year.

Weather

It’s cold and damp in Ottawa today and it has my ankles upset, which is making walking anywhere unpleasant. I’m yearning to live somewhere warmer.

Placement

Placement has been a bit challenging in the social sense. My supervisor was too busy most of the days I’d been there and conversation seemed to be more difficult than I think it should have been. It was better this past Friday though. What it has reinforced to me is that I’m really not wanting a typical 9 to 5 office worker lifestyle these days. I think freelancing is more my thing at this time in my life unless I get on staff for a TV show. I find it annoying to go out to write when I can do it from anywhere.

Home

I’m slowly getting rid of things I don’t want or need, but there is still so much junk to go through. When did I get all this stuff?

I have this urge to paint my connected living room, dining room, and hall/entrance. I’m hating my surroundings, basically. I want a neutral wall colour, but when will I have time to paint? I suppose I might during reading week in between homework. It’s the cheapest home reno one can do and I want my place in a sell-able state just in case.

School

I want to knock anything off that I can without group partners, so I can concentrate on the things that will be important for my portfolio. Also, just to feel like I’m accomplishing ANYTHING.

One of the things I’m working on getting off my plate is a book review. I’m reading Write Screenplays That Sell the Ackerman Way by Hal Ackerman. In it he says, “Your aspirations will nearly always be out of the reach of your ability to attain them, but this is the irritation in the oyster that creates the pearl.” – Hal Ackerman

I’m hoping all this frustration is leading somewhere good. Right now, so much of my future is still murky and it’s a little unsettling.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.
R~

Make It Monday – Swamped But Surviving

bitmoji_goalsIn the last week I have done the following:

  1. Completed and submitted a scene where two people try to convince another of something.
  2. Completed and submitted an optional short film pitch to be eligible to pitch it on our trip.
  3. Peer reviewed the first act of a classmate’s feature film.
  4. Had my first fight with my TV partner. We figured it out and we’re good.
  5. My partner and I completed a 1-pager for our TV show and submitted it.
  6. Went to martial arts.
  7. Completed a creative approach for placement and submitted it.
  8. Met with the comedy group in prep for the show.
  9. Completed and submitted my career plan.
  10. Went to placement where I worked on a script for described video.
  11. Went to rehearsal for the comedy show.
  12. Did the comedy show.
  13. Wrote the other eight pages for my feature film and submitted it.
  14. Completed the synopsis for my one-act play to be submitted today.
  15. Began the pitch document for our TV show to be finished today and presented tomorrow.
  16. Began the assignment due on Thursday.
  17. Began reading a book for the book review we have to do.
  18. Fallen asleep numerous times from exhaustion.

The day of the comedy show was a frustrating one. It started with me waking from a dream that involved a boy from high school. I had a crush on this boy many years ago and one particular friend used to meet up with me nearly every day to buy food from the chip stand he worked at. It wasn’t until the end of the summer that I got up the courage to ask him out. By then he had just started dating something else.

That friend then messaged me to tell me her mother passed away 😥

Then I fought to get my car dug out and drove to placement where I couldn’t seem to communicate well with my supervisor, but things got better for a bit.

Then my car wouldn’t start and my booster pack had lost its charge from the cold, so I had to get a boost from the tech.

Then there was bus trouble to get to rehearsal.

Then one of my classmates almost walked into traffic as we walked from the bus to the show.

I was a little buzzed by the time I performed, but people said I did well…

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Photo from Comedy Ottawa

Overall, the show went well and I got a hug that helped make all the bad of the day melt away.

I also had an awesome Uber driver at the end of the night who chatted with me about Black Mirror.

This week doesn’t look much lighter, though I’ll have a few more things completed like two presentations that I won’t have to worry about later on in the year.

Tonight, I need to remember that my writing group is meeting at the mall near my home. I also need to take my booster pack out of my car and charge it up so I’ll be able to do things tomorrow like martial arts and put gas in my car.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.
R~

Warrior Wednesday – So Many Battles

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Budo is life and I’m fighting many opponents right now.

The battle for a routine is ongoing, but I feel like it’ll smooth out soon. I expect it will probably be after next weekend when our fund-raiser comedy show is done. The skit I wrote this time is about a master of orgasm-fu, which takes a funny jab at chi masters.

Several of us were talking about our plans for after school is done and it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person in the class that would prefer not to move to the Toronto area right away, if possible. I think it’s important to be prepared for it though, so I’m going to push forward on sorting through the multitude of things I own and hopefully sell some things on the weekends. And it’s quite possible that in the distant future I’ll need to go elsewhere, but writing is a career I should be able to do from anywhere unless I’m on a really popular TV show’s team. I’m going to mainly focus on doing well in classes and see what happens. If I’m with the right people, it won’t matter so much where I’m living. The thing I like about the Toronto area is that I have a number of friends there and an awesome dojo in the Oshawa and Peterborough area, so there would be more there than the job. But I have a lot of friends in Ottawa too. I think Oshawa is an hour closer to my parents and they’re in their mid seventies, so that could be important in the future too. There are so many things to look at.

With the potential of work comes a need to dress better. I’m slowly refreshing my wardrobe with pieces I enjoy wearing more. I think looking and feeling my best will help me do my best work at school and elsewhere. I’m doing this as inexpensively as possible between thrift stores and sale items. I’ve also been getting back into bothering to wear makeup.

I met with my teacher today and she told me that they have no worries about my work or anything. I’m a little worried that part of my first semester success was having the extra five weeks of pure writing time that we won’t have this semester. We have so much due over the next couple of days.

I feel like I’m getting home so much later than I used to, so I have less time to do my homework. I think that will improve once our comedy show is done as I’ll have all of Wednesday morning to get some homework in before class.

My neck is sore for some reason, though it’s a little better than yesterday. Some days I feel like I’ll always be fighting with it just as I’ll always be trying to improve my sword grip or cuts in iaido. I have no clue what I did to upset it so much. Perhaps I just slept in a wonky position.

As I need to finish the first act of my feature film, a theatrical scene, a one-pager for my original TV show, plus do a few other things like readings all before Tuesday, I think I need to take a couple days off of blogging, so unless some topics hit me on the head, I might not post again until Monday.

And that’s how the river of life flows today.
R~

 

Thoughtful Thursday – Insecurity

thoughtfulIt’s strange listening to others sometimes.

There can be so much pettiness that it makes me wonder if there is hope for a beautiful future on this planet.

We received our marks from first semester.

For the first time in my life, I’m an A student. I’ve not done anything mystical to get there. I just did my homework, handed it in on time, tried my best to follow instructions, participated in discussions, and usually accepted feedback without question unless it was important to question it. My note taking is just okay. Sometimes it’s dismal even. I pay attention in class. If I’m running late, I always make sure they’re aware. I’m behind in all my readings, but I’m still reading the books at least.

There has been the odd person that has grumbled to me about people they don’t think deserve to stay in the program. Sometimes it’s a general nameless grumble and other times it’s specific.

I don’t think this is a positive mindset nor professional behaviour. It’s okay to admit when you don’t have synergy with someone and would rather not work with them, but it’s shitty to claim you belong and they don’t.

Especially if you’ve never seen their work, yours is garbage, and you’re a terrible group partner.

I find it’s insecure people who spend their time complaining about someone else instead of putting the work in that will improve their skills.

Every day we make choices. If you spend more time gaming and reading junk than you do on your craft, maybe this isn’t for you.

Regardless, until you’ve been in the industry for many years and have earned a place by showing you can do good work and many other things we don’t yet know, maybe let the teachers decide who deserves to be in the program and who doesn’t.

I see an A like a brown belt. To the average person, it looks like I’m close to mastery. To most martial artists, it’s the beginning of a long road that may eventually become mastery. At least, I hope it will. In the martial arts I practice, there are 9 black belt levels. In one art, I’m at level 2. In the other, I’m basically at brown belt level. With both, I know there’s a ton more to learn.

Which can only happen if I choose to be willing to learn. It’s up to me to decide whether or not to take each assignment seriously. I decide whether or not I show up every day ready to listen and work hard.

I’m sorry if any of this seems harsh. I’m running on little sleep and half my lunch fell on the ground earlier, so perhaps I’m still grumpy from that. Or maybe I’m just tired of hearing bullshit from people who display the behaviour they claim to hate.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
– Mahatma Ghandi

If Ghandi doesn’t work for you, maybe someone more modern who gives a similar message with more direction is better for you.

And that’s how it flows today.
R~

Symphonic Saturday – Music to Write To

music1I’ve spent most of the day finishing the script for a TV episode.

Music helped me through it.

I’m finding instrumental movie music can be great to listen to while writing. It’s often inspirational and without the words, it’s not overly distracting.

I found a nice long mix on YouTube.

It took all day and part of the evening too. It was like pulling teeth to get the last couple of pages done. Then the system wouldn’t let me log in to hand it in.

So I took a shower and then it was working again.

Anyway, I finally finished and I have a packed day tomorrow, so off to sleep I go.

And that’s how it flows today.
R~

Thoughtful Thursday – A Weight is Lifted

thoughtfulI didn’t realize how much one of my school assignments was weighing on me.

The term project for video production class has been a huge pain. First, we had scheduling issues. Then we had equipment, location, and power issues. Then we couldn’t get equipment during the Christmas break.

Today,  we were having battery issues and had to stop multiple times to charge the camera.

But we got it done!

Outside of the problems, it wasn’t bad. I learned how to make realistic fresh blood from a classmate and once we figured out all our shots exactly, it only took about 2 hours to film.

There’s only a couple more things to finish and hand in then the semester is over.

I meant to post this on Thursday instead of back dating it. I even thought I had posted it. But I fell asleep instead.

And that’s how it flowed yesterday.

R~

Warrior Wednesday – A Rough Start

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The last couple of days have been rough. I’ve had two in a row that I had to be at school earlier and I got up extra early to ensure I actually caught a bus that would get me to school on time. My options are go really early or be late because the bus that would get me there at a reasonable time seems to always fall into a black hole somewhere along the route…

The weather has been really cold. Today was quite a bit warmer, but it was the kind of cold that makes me achy in places like my ankles, especially the one I injured doing roller derby 4 years ago. The walk to the bus stop was more of a limp.

It’s also the time of year where the heat makes my dry eyes drier, so they feel rather like rubber balls and it’s really uncomfortable. It makes me hate screens.

We haven’t had our first Iaido practice of 2018 yet because people were still on holiday and I wasn’t feeling well anyway. Hopefully Sunday will be better. I always enjoy the first practice of the year as we do some special kata to open the dojo. I don’t remember what they’re called, but we clear the dojo of bad energy and it’s really cool.

I’m tired and grumpy, but I have too much to do instead of napping. There’s an assignment due tomorrow, which I’m done. My video group will hopefully be starting and finishing our term project tomorrow also. It’s not as if we haven’t tried several times to get it done sooner. Between scheduling and equipment malfunctions, we’re learning the hard way why casting calls are the way they are. You better shoot video every day you can. On Saturday, we have to hand in the first 10 pages of our feature films, but that’s after we get group member feedback. We also have to hand in our completed TV episode for a currently running show. I chose South Park for mine and it’s really fun to write.  I would love to work on a show like that.

Next week is our last week of semester one. We have an exam on Canadian film history on Tuesday and everything outstanding has to be handed in before the 12th. Thursday’s final video production class is supposed to be watching the films we made.

And that’s the flow today,
R~