RIP Stan Lee

rest-in-peace

I was going to post something utterly different, but I just found out about Stan Lee and I can’t put any more words together right now.

RIP Stan Lee. You were an amazing creator and human. I hope you find Robin, Alan, and Chester.

I feel like someone has stabbed me in the heart.

R~

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Canadians in Mourning

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I don’t usually post on Sundays, but some things can’t wait.

The Canadian hockey world is in mourning this week and will be for awhile.

On Wednesday evening, Jonathan Pitre lost his battle with EB (Epidermolysis Bullosa).

Jonathan was well known to the Ottawa community as The Butterfly Boy. He was especially known to Senators fans. Jonathan suffered from a disease that made his skin as fragile as a butterfly’s wings. This included the skin inside his body like his mouth and throat. Faced with a life of excruciating pain and knowing that he would likely only live to about 20 years old, Jonathan devoted his life to trying to make people aware of his affliction. He was a huge hockey fan and a special member of the Senators family. He had such a positive outlook despite struggling to do the most basic things like swallow liquids. He was also an A student. He often refused opiods as he preferred the pain to having his mind dulled.

But Jonathan’s death isn’t the only reason hockey fans are mourning.

On Friday, tragedy struck in Saskatchewan when a bus carrying a Junior A hockey team aged 16-21 collided with a semi. Fourteen young people are dead and 14 are injured. There is a gofundme set up to help The Broncos team and their families through this difficult time.

And if you happen to be someone who prays, please pray for all the people and families we’ve lost this week.

R~

Thoughtful Thursday – The Lost One

candle-1239891_640This week, Erik Karlsson of the Ottawa Senators and his wife Melinda are going through the pain of miscarriage.

Miscarriage isn’t something people often speak of. It’s unpleasant..

Its most common recommended course of action is to try again as if you lost Roll Up the Rim.

This pain is something I know first hand.

In 2011, it happened to me. I wasn’t as far along as some, but we were nearly out of the danger period where miscarriage has a higher likelihood. We were almost ready to tell everyone the good news.

For me, the physical pain was not unlike menstrual cramping.

It was the emotional pain that I couldn’t deal with. I think we stopped by a Pizza Hut on the way home from the hospital for food? I only remember the bathroom stall.

It’s been nearly six and a half years and I am only finding the words now to talk about it.

Sometimes in pregnancy, a mom won’t know she’s pregnant. Sometimes they know right away. Sometimes it’s very gradual. For me, it was gradual. Maybe it was all the extra vitamins, or maybe it was the hormones, but I felt the best I’ve ever felt.

Because a pregnancy is very much like the connection a parasite and its host has, other feelings can happen.

Imagine, the baby growing within is like a plant whose roots are spreading out in the dirt. Only, we don’t have dirt within us. We have organs and such. When I miscarried, it was as if the plant was ripped out of me and my insides were torn to shreds. I didn’t know even how I was feeling. It was all so confusing. So I couldn’t talk about it.

Not even with my then husband.

Because I was so wrapped up in my own pain and confusion, I couldn’t even consider how he felt about it. He seemed to be trying to make me feel better without being able to understand what I was going through and I didn’t understand it, so I couldn’t help him understand it.

Ultimately, given that we are such different people, I think it’s a good thing that we didn’t have children together. I often feel guilty for feeling this way.

It was one of the most painful things I’ve experienced.

I wish I didn’t know what they are going through right now. I wish they didn’t know the pain of it either.

The only advice I can offer is to be kind and loving to each other. You both feel it differently, but you’re both going through it.

Also it’s important to know that it’s no one’s fault. Most times, it happens because there is something seriously wrong with the baby that even our modern neonatal specialists wouldn’t be able to fix.

This is one of the reasons I haven’t been in a rush to get serious with anyone despite wanting to be with someone and wanting to have a family.

But I think even something as awful as this is easier to endure with the right person.

R~

Symphonic Saturday – RIP Fats Domino

rest-in-peaceWhile Canada still mourns the loss of Gord Downie, the world now reels at the loss of Fats Domino, aka The Fat Man.

It’s quite likely that there are many out there who don’t realize just how many musicians were influenced by the music of Fats Domino. I thought I’d say a few words, so others can understand just how great a loss he is to music as a whole.

Ska pretty much wouldn’t exist as a genre.

Fats also invented bling.

The Beatles had mentioned his influence on them on numerous occasions. Paul McCartney did a rendition of Ain’t That A Shame. They even made a song called Lady Madonna in tribute to Fats and Fats did his own version of it.

Even Elvis claimed The Fat Man as an inspiration to him.

Countless artists have done covers of his songs over the years including punk artists and even Vladamir Putin.

There have been a number of tributes to his music over the years. Here’s one. Here’s an entire playlist of tributes from people including Tom Petty, Elton John, and Lenny Kravitz.

It’s hard to be sad while listening to such upbeat music. I guess that was part of what Fats did for the world too.

Someday, I hope to be able to play some of his songs.

I’ll leave you with this Blueberry Hill compilation.

R~

Warrior Wednesday – Lost Battles

rest-in-peaceToday is a sad day as many around the country and world mourn the loss of Gord Downie. I was never really into The Tragically Hip, so I can’t say much about that.

Besides, I’m still mourning someone I lost eight years ago to Leukemia.

Before I tell you more about that, I want to take a moment to say FUCK CANCER!!!

I was chatting with a friend earlier today about how much money goes into things like sex toy development and if we spent even half that much on a cure maybe we could stop talking about how shitty cancer is and people dying from it could become a rare event. His thought was that short of a sex toy that cures cancer, it’s unlikely to ever happen. He’s probably right.

red-dragonfly-2494570_1280Leslie was a friend I had in high school. We ended up in college together in the Social Service Worker program at Canadore College in 2000. Neither of us knew we were taking the same thing until we saw each other there along with another friend also named Leslie.

She loved dragonflies.

As we grew older, Leslie met a cousin of mine and she became part of my family.

She was one of the kindest humans I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, but not in that overly wholesome way. She was very real and that was one of the things I loved about her.

Her social work career took her to some rough places. She did some work up north on reserves helping kids stay away from things like huffing gasoline. She did work at a place with troubled teens who got physically violent at times as well, but she just shrugged that off and kept showing them she cared.

We didn’t see each other much in those years. Her schedule sucked when she was back in the same city as me.

When there finally was time, she had very little left. She was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. She was damn determined to fight her hardest though. She kept a blog in those days to update people. We messaged a lot when she was in the hospital. Sometimes it was about things like white blood cell counts and others it was about happier topics.

Unfortunately, she had the worst kind of Leukemia one can get and it won.

I miss the times we had chatting at family barbecues and the days in school. We bought a lot of scratch tickets in those days just because we could.

I miss my friend.

I know people are sad about Gord Downie, but for me October 18th will always be the day I lost my friend.

R~

Warrior Wednesday – Crazy Busy Life

So, I definitely meant to post something yesterday. It didn’t happen. When I got up, I didn’t have anything to say. Later, when I did, I fell asleep. Between school and martial arts, I was exhausted. 
I’m glad I managed to make it to iaido yesterday. Swinging my sword about was exactly what I needed. It’s been a tough week. I learned a former member of my high school drama club, who became a sweet and beautiful woman, died suddenly due to a suspected Fentanyl overdose. And my s.o. and I decided to take a break for now. We’re both too busy to be there for each other at this time, so despite how we feel about each other, we’re just doing the friend thing for now. All of that sucks.

It looks like everything is in order for the seminar this weekend. I’m looking forward to training and hanging with iaido folks. I’m happy the weather is getting a little more seasonal. That’ll make training better. Some big things have happened in the iai world in Canada as one of our main sensei has decided to retire. This has meant changes to the grading panel and I don’t know what else yet, but it’s exciting. I need to decide if I’m going to challenge nidan rank again. If I do, I know I won’t do the seminar before it. It made me extra nervous and I want to go in feeling confident. 

 Class was tiring but also really fun yesterday. We grouped up as if in a writers room and came up with TV show ideas for our network. Once we found the idea the upper management liked, we had a ball coming up with storylines. I don’t know if we’ll be continuing that, but we wanted to actually write the show after. It was awkward at first trying to feel out the new group members, but it wasn’t too long before we found a rhythym and got things going. 

I have a meeting before school today, but the person I’m meeting seems to be running late…

Off to start my day.

Guid cheerio the nou,

R~

Symphonic Saturday – RIP Chester Bennington

rest-in-peaceI can’t begin to express how sad I am about the loss of Chester Bennington. Music helped me tremendously when I was going through my divorce and Numb was one of the songs that resonated with me the most.

I listened to it and sobbed. I listened to other songs and sobbed some more.

All I can hope is that he and Chris Cornell are up in heaven together giving everyone a great rock show.

We need to do something to stop this suicide epidemic. Suicide rates among men are higher than women around the world in most countries despite women being more susceptible to depression. We need to find out why. Are they Vitamin D deficient? Have they all suffered as much as Chester did as a child?

Bennington was a tortured soul much like Robin Williams. Yeah, I’m not over that one yet either. What happened to Bennington as a child, there’s no excuse for. I wonder if Chester could’ve gotten the help he needed if Chris hadn’t killed himself.

Linkin Park’s performance on Jimmy Kimmel says more than I can.

I care too.

R~