Death

A number of people around me have lost loved ones in recent days, weeks, and months. I never know what to say. It’s a time as a writer when I feel like I, of all people, should have the words. But I don’t. And I don’t think I’m alone.

The most common things to say are, “Sorry for your loss,” or “My condolences.”
I can’t bring myself to type those words and I think it’s because they are not the words in my head. I want to say, “I’ll pray for you and your loved ones,” but I don’t because the vast majority of my friends aren’t religious and I don’t want to inadvertently bring up the possibility that there is no afterlife.
But what’s really in my mind to say most times seems too harsh or uncouth. That is, “This is so f**king sh**ty and there are no words I can offer that can make this okay, but if you need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen, I’ll be there.”

R~

Mourning for Sri Lanka

I didn’t get much done on the weekend because it was Easter. And I’m late posting because I spent part of Easter too sad to find words after what happened in Sri Lanka. I saw the early news reports. I saw the body parts.

Christians are and have been attacked often in recent years and most incidents go unreported. If you search for “attacks on Christians” you can learn about what has been going on in Nigeria for quite some time. The numbers may look weird and I believe that is due to the reporting of specific regions in Nigeria versus all of Nigeria, so take that into account if you do go looking for more information.

The bombings in Sri Lanka happened just days after Notre Dame was burned and an attempted arson in the U.S. at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Many Christian churches have been burned in recent years and it’s estimated to be approaching a thousand in France alone. If you wonder how Christians could possibly be upset or think they deserve this ‘retribution’ for past crimes going back to the Crusades and Salem, well, I feel sad for you that you carry so much hate in your heart.

People should be free to practice their religion whether it be Judaism, Catholicism, Islam, Atheism, Hiduism, Jainism, Buddhism, Wicca, or whatever else. Killing people is not the answer to our differences. All that does is breed more hate and resentment and continue the cycle of hurt.

I don’t talk about religion often on here. I like to keep things light and non-denominational, but when something like this happens, I can’t sit by and say nothing.

They didn’t just stick to churches this time. No, they attacked hotels as well. The target could be anyone, regardless of faith, in the future. I think we all have a duty to condemn extremist acts such as this and those who perpetrate such crimes against humanity.

R~

Mixed Feelings Abound

It’s Holy Week for anyone of the Christian faith. Such an awful time for Notre Dame to suffer through flames, not that any time would be acceptable, but it’s extra sad this week. I was happy to learn that much of the art and the organ can be saved. It was simultaneously heart warming and heart breaking to see people gather together to pray through song.

I once owned the Puzz-3D of Notre Dame. I hope one day I can visit the real thing. Notre Dame is an international treasure that millions of people enjoy each year. I hope no more accidents befall it while it undergoes restoration.

I made a bigger mess of my home temporarily. How? I got my TARVA dresser from IKEA. I managed to get the bulk of it finished. Anyway, this is helping clean my place up. Though I’m taking my time on my drawer fronts as I’m making them look like bookshelves for fun. I am not writing the names of books though or I’ll never be done. Besides, what if I put a book on there and later on I decide I no longer like it? The drawers are bigger than I thought, which was a pleasant surprise. This proper dresser thing has put a smile on my face despite all the hard work, of which my body feels the effects.

Goals Update

Writing

  • Horror Script: First draft submitted.
  • Digi60 Script: Project cancelled*
  • Horror Short Story: 360/7,000 words
  • The Page & The Magician: 71,165/80,000 words
  • Puppy Chow Script: Revision not started.
  • The Blood Waitress Club: 24,092/80,000
  • The Mockumentary Script: 10/120 minutes

*While it’s a little disappointing, it’s not as if I don’t have a pile of other things on the go, so it’s partly a blessing.

Home

  • Bathroom Door: 90%
  • Dishes: 30%
  • Laundry: 66%
  • Entrance: 65%
  • Recycling: ?

My dresser has already helped a ton! It has come with a bunch of cardboard, however, which means my recycling progress has been basically undone.

French

  • Online: 5/30 hours*
  • Class: 9/30 hours

*Need to put in 4 hours to catch up. I’m aiming to get some done on the weekend.

Finances

  • Job: Researching for an upcoming job fair.
  • Taxes: Waiting for my return.
  • Car Loan: 95.2% paid off.
  • CC1 Debt: 23.6% paid off.
  • CC2 Debt: 88.7% paid off.
  • OSAP Debt: 1.47% paid off.
  • Mortgage: 14.81% paid off.

Fitness

  • Iaido: */2
  • Walking: */7
  • HIIT: */3

*I’ve been doing so much hammering, painting, screw-driving, and lifting with the dresser that I think I’m staying fit regardless. I’ve also been walking up and down the stairs and halls all day catching up on laundry.

It’s early, but I think I’m off to sleep as I’ve worked hard for the last three days and I’m utterly spent.

R~

RIP Stan Lee

rest-in-peace

I was going to post something utterly different, but I just found out about Stan Lee and I can’t put any more words together right now.

RIP Stan Lee. You were an amazing creator and human. I hope you find Robin, Alan, and Chester.

I feel like someone has stabbed me in the heart.

R~

Canadians in Mourning

candle-1239891_640

I don’t usually post on Sundays, but some things can’t wait.

The Canadian hockey world is in mourning this week and will be for awhile.

On Wednesday evening, Jonathan Pitre lost his battle with EB (Epidermolysis Bullosa).

Jonathan was well known to the Ottawa community as The Butterfly Boy. He was especially known to Senators fans. Jonathan suffered from a disease that made his skin as fragile as a butterfly’s wings. This included the skin inside his body like his mouth and throat. Faced with a life of excruciating pain and knowing that he would likely only live to about 20 years old, Jonathan devoted his life to trying to make people aware of his affliction. He was a huge hockey fan and a special member of the Senators family. He had such a positive outlook despite struggling to do the most basic things like swallow liquids. He was also an A student. He often refused opiods as he preferred the pain to having his mind dulled.

But Jonathan’s death isn’t the only reason hockey fans are mourning.

On Friday, tragedy struck in Saskatchewan when a bus carrying a Junior A hockey team aged 16-21 collided with a semi. Fourteen young people are dead and 14 are injured. There is a gofundme set up to help The Broncos team and their families through this difficult time.

And if you happen to be someone who prays, please pray for all the people and families we’ve lost this week.

R~

Thoughtful Thursday – The Lost One

candle-1239891_640This week, Erik Karlsson of the Ottawa Senators and his wife Melinda are going through the pain of miscarriage.

Miscarriage isn’t something people often speak of. It’s unpleasant..

Its most common recommended course of action is to try again as if you lost Roll Up the Rim.

This pain is something I know first hand.

In 2011, it happened to me. I wasn’t as far along as some, but we were nearly out of the danger period where miscarriage has a higher likelihood. We were almost ready to tell everyone the good news.

For me, the physical pain was not unlike menstrual cramping.

It was the emotional pain that I couldn’t deal with. I think we stopped by a Pizza Hut on the way home from the hospital for food? I only remember the bathroom stall.

It’s been nearly six and a half years and I am only finding the words now to talk about it.

Sometimes in pregnancy, a mom won’t know she’s pregnant. Sometimes they know right away. Sometimes it’s very gradual. For me, it was gradual. Maybe it was all the extra vitamins, or maybe it was the hormones, but I felt the best I’ve ever felt.

Because a pregnancy is very much like the connection a parasite and its host has, other feelings can happen.

Imagine, the baby growing within is like a plant whose roots are spreading out in the dirt. Only, we don’t have dirt within us. We have organs and such. When I miscarried, it was as if the plant was ripped out of me and my insides were torn to shreds. I didn’t know even how I was feeling. It was all so confusing. So I couldn’t talk about it.

Not even with my then husband.

Because I was so wrapped up in my own pain and confusion, I couldn’t even consider how he felt about it. He seemed to be trying to make me feel better without being able to understand what I was going through and I didn’t understand it, so I couldn’t help him understand it.

Ultimately, given that we are such different people, I think it’s a good thing that we didn’t have children together. I often feel guilty for feeling this way.

It was one of the most painful things I’ve experienced.

I wish I didn’t know what they are going through right now. I wish they didn’t know the pain of it either.

The only advice I can offer is to be kind and loving to each other. You both feel it differently, but you’re both going through it.

Also it’s important to know that it’s no one’s fault. Most times, it happens because there is something seriously wrong with the baby that even our modern neonatal specialists wouldn’t be able to fix.

This is one of the reasons I haven’t been in a rush to get serious with anyone despite wanting to be with someone and wanting to have a family.

But I think even something as awful as this is easier to endure with the right person.

R~

Symphonic Saturday – RIP Fats Domino

rest-in-peaceWhile Canada still mourns the loss of Gord Downie, the world now reels at the loss of Fats Domino, aka The Fat Man.

It’s quite likely that there are many out there who don’t realize just how many musicians were influenced by the music of Fats Domino. I thought I’d say a few words, so others can understand just how great a loss he is to music as a whole.

Ska pretty much wouldn’t exist as a genre.

Fats also invented bling.

The Beatles had mentioned his influence on them on numerous occasions. Paul McCartney did a rendition of Ain’t That A Shame. They even made a song called Lady Madonna in tribute to Fats and Fats did his own version of it.

Even Elvis claimed The Fat Man as an inspiration to him.

Countless artists have done covers of his songs over the years including punk artists and even Vladamir Putin.

There have been a number of tributes to his music over the years. Here’s one. Here’s an entire playlist of tributes from people including Tom Petty, Elton John, and Lenny Kravitz.

It’s hard to be sad while listening to such upbeat music. I guess that was part of what Fats did for the world too.

Someday, I hope to be able to play some of his songs.

I’ll leave you with this Blueberry Hill compilation.

R~