Image created using Bitmoji
So, this week, I started a new thing on my blog where all my posts look at the same word from different perspectives. It was check. Today, I’m looking at it from my usual Friday view.
I think it can be helpful to check where you are occasionally in the romantic sense. For example, for me right now, I know that I’m somewhat interested in a couple of men, but we’re all busy people and so if we go out, it’s all very casual. I know I’m graduating soon and don’t really know what happens after that, so I haven’t wanted to get too close to anyone. I’m hoping to stay in Ottawa, but it’s possible I’ll have to consider moving and while long distance could be okay with the right person, I know I can’t currently promise anything and don’t want to unnecessarily hurt anyone.
Do you know what your current wants and needs are?
It’s okay if you’re just looking for a bed buddy, but it can be awfully awkward to suggest it and not come off sounding like a pervert…
If you have a partner, if can be helpful to check how they’re feeling about the relationship once in awhile. Try not to do it too often or you’ll cause problems where there weren’t any, and that is SUPER annoying, but I think a good time would be while you seem to be going through a rough patch. Those happen to the best of couples.
I rather like where I am because right now dating is completely free from expectations. I don’t know if anything will turn into more, but I’m not focused on it. It’s just one part among many other parts of my life. Sure, I’m hoping to find that person that really gets me, but I feel like that might be easier once school is done and I have a more set schedule.
In my youth, I was so focused on things like having a boyfriend and not on just getting to know someone and figuring out if we were meant to be friends or were actually romantically compatible. It was as if having the title of girlfriend was critical to who I was. While it’s certainly nice to be with someone, I’m not focused on labels these days.
Right now is all about light-hearted fun for me and just seeing where things organically lead. I like that we can all just do our stuff and connect when we have time without some idea that we should be seeing each other more than we are as if we should be blindly following some Vice or Cosmo article on the subject. I don’t need to follow what other people think the relationship checkpoints should be.
I’m also not eager to get to the drama that often comes with being with someone. Fights over things like garbage cans, what’s for dinner, or what movie to watch I’m in no rush for. I find people over-complicate so much in dating.
Another important thing to check in with yourself about in regards to relationships and dating are your deal-breakers and warning flags.
Abusiveness is my deal-breaker.
What’s a deal breaker? It’s something you won’t tolerate in your relationship.
I also really don’t enjoy being with someone who doesn’t have their own hobbies. It’s not that we can’t have some of those in common, but I need alone time to write and create things. I need me time to think about how I feel about stuff that probably has nothing to do with them. I’ve had that relationship where we had to be together almost every minute of every day and it’s suffocating. It’s suffocating to the point of filling me with anxiety and making me not want to spend time together at all.
One thing that really annoys me?
Being bossed around. I’m picky about who I let dictate to me. I’m not your child or your property. I’m my own person who has her own wants and needs. I have agency. I’m not the woman who responds well to controlling behaviours. This is a warning flag for me.
We all have warning flags often gotten from past relationships. It’s important to talk about them when they’re triggered, so you can give a new person a chance. Just because someone does one thing like someone who things didn’t work with doesn’t mean they are in any way like that person. Our instincts are trying to save us from harm, but there may be no real base for us to feel that way.
See I think I’ve even over complicated things.
If you like someone, show them. If they do things that upset you, talk to them about it. Otherwise, have fun.
And that’s how life’s river flows today.