Sometimes we have to fight ourselves. Actually, I find fighting myself to be the most difficult thing I do on a regular basis.
I wouldn’t say I’m lazy, but I like relaxing in the comfort of my home. If given the choice to stay home or go out, I’ll often choose to stay home. There are so many benefits. I get to sit around in comfy pants, the liquor is way cheaper, I am as warm or as cool as I decide to be, I know how to feed myself and that’s cheaper too, and so on. I’m mostly perfectly happy practically becoming a hermit in the winter.
Except I like to get out once in awhile to ice skate because it’s the one winter thing I love. Snowboarding was fun at one time, but it’s too dangerous with my neck. I have snowshoes, but they feel like a lot of work. Of course, that could’ve been because I was rather hungover the last time I tried them, but I’m not a super athletic person anyway.
I’d rather geek out with some video games or cocoon in a blanket while watching a movie.
But I’ve also been at war in my own home. As a creative person, I regularly get behind in things like dishes. Well, this week I’ve mostly caught up! I’m feeling pretty good about that. It usually gets a little better after Christmas too.
I have more cleaning to do, but I’ve started making some progress and it feels good. One of the things I’ve done that I’m finding helpful is doing things in smaller chunks. Maybe I only have 10 minutes and I’ll wash the top row of the door inside my fridge. I haven’t got the whole fridge done yet, but doing a little bit here and there has been working better for me than how my mom has always done it. She’d have me help her clean the whole thing in one day and it took so much time that we’d rarely do it.
Another thing I’m fighting is with my writing. I really like to do a project and move onto the next. We can’t do that. We do a draft. Then another. Then another. And sometimes another. I’m looking forward to being done the semester just to work on different things!
It’s funny. When I was signing up for the program, I thought that doing a TV episode, a couple of plays, a short film, and a movie was a small amount of writing. Then I learned that most screenwriters get maybe 1-2 things written in a year outside of their day jobs. Now I see why. It’s a lot more work than I thought!
I’m loving it though.
I feel like I’ve finally found that thing that is my thing. Yeah, I’m capable of doing other things to survive, but this feels different. Even when I’m exhausted, I’m excited about it.
I was drawn to theatre at a young age, but there weren’t enough people in my grade school into it, so the first play I was going to be part of got canned. Someone convinced me to come out to drama club in grade 9 and despite my shyness, I loved it. The people were nice and didn’t make fun of me for being bad at things like volleyball. The boys found me cute, so I dated a few of them. I had a lot of fun in those days.
But then I lost myself for a time.
I’ve found my way back to the path I originally set out on, but was told it couldn’t go anywhere.
Well, we’ll just see about that, won’t we?
I’m pretty damned stubborn and I want this like I’ve never wanted anything before.
Guid cheerio the nou,