I have days where I’m really not feeling remotely happy. Where it’s so damn hard to see the positive. I’m a divorced, unemployed woman with food allergies and an autoimmune condition. Sometimes it’s REALLY damn hard to smile.
And this week in particular has been hard. I had several days where I could barely walk because the ankle I hurt multiple times back in my roller derby days was upset between the dancing and martial arts on the weekend and the two days of dismal weather that followed. Pain killers didn’t help. I also didn’t have the spare cash to do anything even if my ankle wasn’t tempting me to request amputation. The only thing I managed to do was buy an inexpensive cane because the golf club I was using to hobble around the house with looked ready to break if it kept bending that way.
Then I had a frustrating day where I questioned my ability to write anything at all, especially movies, because Imposter Syndrome is part of being an artist. And songs. Where the hell am I going to learn how to add drum beats into my songs? Is there free software for that? I don’t even know how to use the audio software I have. Would a whole album of guitar only songs be boring?
I also fought with one of my kitchen drawers. I’m at the point where I’m just going to turn the inserts upside down and put something inside the drawers because I want my house back together, I don’t have the money for other options, and I’m just so tired of this project. Once I locate my drill, I can charge it and finish drawer one of three. It’s taken me several months to fix one drawer. And it’s not because I’m not handy, but because everything I’ve tried didn’t work the way it was supposed to.
But music nearly always makes me feel better.
Seeing this video of a deaf woman named Mandy Harvey having taught herself to sing again after losing her hearing was exactly what I needed to help me continue to plug away at my own goals. It also reminded me of our one-legged swordsman who taught himself how to do kendo, iaido, and jodo again after an accident took his leg. He’s one of the best I know.
Anyway, I’m going to get my house clean, get this sewing business going, do martial arts, and continue with my writing movies, books, and songs no matter how hard life currently is.
But first, I’m going to take in a panel about music at Prose in the Park and enjoy some classic Batman clips to say goodbye to my first Batman.